You Learn How To Handle Hard Stuff By Doing Hard Stuff

Have you ever known someone who had things handed to them their whole life? Like a friend who was given a house rather than working and saving for one, it lowers the odds that they’ll act like a responsible homeowner. That is because the behavior of a responsible homeowner comes through the process of what it takes to get there. It starts with the ambition to experience the pride and freedom of home ownership, which then becomes the motivation for making the necessary adjustments in life to execute the goal. Some of those adjustments might include, restricting your travel and entertainment budget, or continuing to drive an older, used car so that you can save toward a house. None of which seems fun at the time. A person who has been handed something that most people had to work to achieve, avoided the hard part. They didn’t have to sacrifice what made them feel good in the moment for what they wanted long-term. However, avoiding the hard part means that they lost out on something that’s crucial to long-term success.

Being Able To Handle Hard Stuff Is A Superior Skill

The practice of denying short-term pleasure for long-term benefit, means you develop the skills necessary for the hard things that are potentially in front of you. The next time you feel like you’re drowning in the process of something and may never get you to the goal, remember that you are in training. You’re learning what you need to know so that when you get to the goal, whether it’s finishing school, purchasing a new car, or a weight loss transformation, you’ll know what to do once you get there. You are developing a superior skill set for life-long success.

Except There’s Still This One Thing…

Reality is, most of us have had to work hard for the things we accomplish. You have experienced the hardship and perseverance it takes to attain anything worth having. You know what it took to create stability for your family, to work on your relationship, to save for your home or vacation, or to continue your education so that you could advance in your career. So, why are there still things that trip us up? Things we know we need change or improve but we continue to resist the hardship it will take to make it happen? How is it that an otherwise responsible adult can still struggle with eating too much, drinking too much, sleeping too much, or talking too much (fill in the blank with whatever your thing is). The inability to make significant change always points back to one simple behavior, attempting to avoid the hard part. It sounds like a rudimentary conclusion to say stop doing that but that is exactly it. Stop trying to skip the slow, disciplined process that’s going to actually teach you something along the way.

You’re not going to quit eating too much by removing all the food from your house or taking the wheels off your car so that you can’t roll into the fast-food drive through. It’s going to take a careful and reasonable plan of changing daily choices that are measured and sustainable. In your relationships, if you’re doing more talking than listening, you’re not going to fix the problem by quitting talking altogether. You’ve got to be more mindful in all your conversations and take note every time you’re doing it right or the times you could have done better. After a time of practicing changed behavior, you are learning the new skills it requires to make lasting, positive changes.

Avoiding the hard part will mean that something deeply important has been missed. Shortcuts will not result in the high competency levels that are needed for life. Hard things that take longer to do, require more action and involvement, but result in a person who is prepared, competent, and committed once they reach their goals.

Dawna LS Wilson